You know you’re a masters athlete when . . .

Who are these esteemed gentlemen?

Photo by Ken Stone

 . . . you take home the gold medal after finishing last in your race.

. . . you arrive for the high jump an hour late, and the bar still hasn’t been raised to your starting height.

. . . you thrill to see yourself in the annual age-group rankings.

. . . you despair to see your only mark of the season in the annual age-group rankings.

. . . you start comparing yourself to 70-year-old pole vaulters and 30-year-old milers on the basis of performance percentage.

. . . you get crushed by someone 15 years older than you.

. . . you learn the guy who crushed you competed in the 1960 USA Olympic Trials at Stanford University.

. . . you know who Al Sheahen and Pete Mundle are.

. . . you wish you were Phil Raschker or Jim Stookey.

. . . you arrive at a track meet with an entourage of relatives, friends, picnic gear and camcorders.

. . . you arrive at a track meet alone, but you know so many of the athletes on the field you feast on friendship and memories of past meets.

. . . you travel a thousand miles just to run for 12 seconds.

. . . you pull up lame 1,000 miles from home six seconds into a race.

. . . you pull up lame a mile from home. For the fourth time in two years.

. . . you compete in a national championship even though you never lettered in high school.

. . . you attend a high school reunion, and the captain of your old track team is so amazed by your condition he makes a third trip to the bar to drown his envy and bloat his already obese body.

. . . you decide to enter a new event just for the heck of it (and no coach tells you to forget it).

. . . you decide to scratch from an event for the heck of it (and no coach holds your scholarship over your head).

. . . you stoically pony up $20 entry fees (and no coach is there to handle the expense and paperwork).

. . . you line up against teen-agers at an all-comers meet, just for the private satisfaction of seeing their faces when you tell them your age afterward.

. . . you limp into work the next day, just for the public pride in being able to explain to astonished co-workers that you just ran the 400-meter intermediate hurdles.

. . . you celebrate turning 50, 55, 60 or 65.

. . . you curse being 49, 54, 59 or 64

. . . there was no such thing as "sports medicine" when you ran track in high school. -- Kenn Miller 

. . . you're more afraid of your own hamstrings than the competition. -- Miller

. . . your physiotherapist is younger than your kids. -- Brian Nussey

. . . you hold the school record for the 180 lows, and you remember those lonnnnng spikes that let you run on the cinders. -- Rick Lapp

. . . you find yourself still competing in track long after many of the high school athletes you’ve coached have stopped running, jumping and/or throwing! -- Gerry Krainik

. . . you have enough T-shirts to make a quilt that would cover the track infield. -- David E. Ortman

. . . you spend more time stretching than you do running -- Rick Larush

. . . you think meter was something you did with a girl. -- David Moore

. . . you arrive at a meet and are surprised to find that the pits aren’t full of sawdust. -- Anonymous

. . . you miss the smell of sawdust, but not the pain it was to have it in your shorts. -- Anonymous

. . . while spouse counts rooms in the potential new house, you’re outside stepping off shot landing area, surveying driveway for plyometrics, measuring garage ceiling for snatch and jerks, and checking mileage distance to nearest all-weather track. -- David Tolson

. . . you can remember what the original adidas logo looks like. -- Keith Royster

. . . you can remember using 3/4-inch spikes for outdoor season. -- Royster

. . . you once dug holes in the track for starting blocks. -- Royster

. . . your lifetime PRs include distances in yards, not meters. -- Royster

. . . you can remember taking salt tablets to avoid cramps. -- Royster

. . . calesthentics used to be part of your warm-up. -- Royster

. . . you ran the 220 low hurdles. -- Royster

. . . you wondered what was the big deal with Michael Johnson's 200-400 Olympic double, when Alberto Juantorena did a 400-800 double 20 years earlier. -- Royster

. . . you first thought supplements were more track intervals. -- Royster

. . . you can remember when Converse made the best racing flat. -- Royster

. . . you first thought plyometrics was a computer course. -- Royster

. . . you’re having the time of your life!

Add to this list by dropping me a clever line.

Who is Al Sheahen? Here’s Al attacking the first barrier in an M60 hurdles race October 13, 1996, at the Sri Chinmoy Masters Games at Long Beach State University. He publishes National Masters News

Photo by Chris Stone

Who is Pete Mundle? Here’s Pete pounding out a lap in the M65 1500m at the USATF Western Regional Championships on July 20, 1996, at Cerritos College in Norwalk, Calif. He’s the WAVA and USATF masters records czar and keeps an unofficial age-by-age record list.

Photo by Christine Stone